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Saturday, 23 June 2012

Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After

Just finished reading singled out. It's definitely a great read to me. Although the statistics, survey and general data is targeted to USA (and I'm not from USA), the gist of it is still applicable to me. 

At first I got the book because I have too many friends nagging on my "abnormal" life, and makes me wonder am I really abnormal? After reading the book, I find that actually I'm as normal as the author. Single, capable and very much happy with her life. When I wonder why my friends are unhappy with their SOs yet sticking with them, always trying to resolve issues that is not "resolvable". And they are wondering why am I satisfy being single. It seems that my answer to them is "my world is complete with me and my 2 little dogs" is just an excuse to them. Endless times, I'm branded as weird by friends, colleagues and strangers. And truly, alot of times, I find their accusation weird. But hey, my real life examples can be found in the book, so I guess I'm not the only one going thru this.

Example 1: When I got my own apartment, ALL of the people I know asked me why I got such a big apartment for myself. Is only my 2 dogs and me living in it. What is the link between getting a big house and being singled? I prefer to live in a bigger place, and I can well afford it, so what's so weird about it? I know there are other couples getting smaller apartment than me, they just don't need as much space as me. So why must I be compared with couples getting smaller apartment than me?

Example 2: When coupled friends and colleagues complaint how envy they are towards me because I have tons of free time. But I never did. When I told them I have my own schedule and stuffs to do, they are so surprised. To them, accompany their SOs or taking care of their family is consider valid reason to be busy. But single me, need to accompany my dogs, do some reading, watching TVs or do some gaming are perceived as "free". I don't know, perhaps they think singles just stare at ceiling and ponder how come they cannot find their SOs? And accompany SOs and taking care of family are the only valid reason to be busy.

Example 3: Everytime when people asked why am I contented being single and seriously I want to be single for the rest of my life. I always answered "I'm ok being single or attached. However I find that my personality is more suitable to be single. It's nice to be attached because you always have someone to go holiday with and other stuffs, but it's also ok if I never found this person. Can't be just because I want someone to go holiday with me and do other couple stuffs, I accept any Tom, Dick or Harry". I'm judged being choosy or negative or just plain weird. Why?!

Example 4: Everyone comments I'm going to die alone if I'm single.... I have a big family! My sister will get married with kids. My brother will get married with kids. My cousins will get married with kids. Furthermore I have my friends. So why am I going to die alone? There are alot of elderly out there, married with kids, yet died alone because either their SOs had died earlier than them or their kids abandoned them. So getting married don't guarantee that you will not die alone.

In conclusion, I'm truly happy and contented with my life. I have my goals, my loves and I do find that I am living my life to the fullest. If few years down the road, I have a committed serious relationship, it's good. But if I'm single, I'm still will be happy, contented and as great as ever!

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